And here is part 3.
Our family is a little crazy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean la la, dancing in the tulips naked kind of crazy. I mean legit mental problems that have developed over many years kind of crazy.
Though, where I am aware that I have issues that might need the help of a professional to properly sort out, some members of my family are not even aware that they have a problem, and when you try to talk to them about it, they respond with aggression and hostility. That is not a happy atmosphere to have around people who are supposed to be part of your support system. Where I might need a sturdy rock to lean on in my times of need, all I find is soft clay.
I suppose that is why they talk about how there is blood family and the family you choose yourself, the people that are the bedrock you need when your family is sadly inadequate to the task. It has taken time to accept this…that this is how things are, but now it has become something hard to ignore.
It is fortunate that I am so old that it is completely alright to keep a safe distance to those that actually damage you more than they help you, though it still saddens me that things are what they are. Perhaps one day they will realize, like I have, that they might need help to carry them across the turbulent ocean that is their own minds.
But for now I will focus on my own state of health and mental wellbeing and enjoy this vacation for what it is, a time away from my routines and hang ups. Seeing the sun rise over the ocean…Well, somewhat, as it has been cloudy most mornings and that means the sun only peeks through the sky blanket when it has raised itself a significant height above the horizon.
The wind seems particularly strong today, but I guess that is fine, we are going on an excursion today; off into those amazing mountains we can see from a distance when we walk across the beach and sandy dunes. I am still amazed when I think back to our trek across that desert, how such a thing can exists. That is where my love for biology comes from, this amazement that certain things exist and can be found for us to enjoy in a responsible manner. One day I will want to at least peek at a real rain forest, to swim among coral reef fish and perhaps, perhaps, walk near the high jagged peaks and frosty fields up north. Though the latter has a significant question mark in front of it, I do not like the cold much at all to be honest. But I know there are things of beauty there, that nature has created up there, as there are in all parts of the world.
One morning it would be nice to sleep in a little, but as it is I’m okay with things as they are.
I am here, I exist and this is a time for me to focus on myself.